Bless his heart he carries all these animals around like they are his best friends.

I’ve never really talked about it before on the blog.  The desire and want to expand our family of three.  The truth is I’m so torn and not sure what to do.  I want to be thankful for our one perfect angel from Heaven.  It took us so long to have him & I’m not sure how long it would take to have another.

I didn’t have a glowing & beautiful pregnancy.  I hated being pregnant.  Gained over 70 pounds and had a 10 lb kiddo.  I had horrid nausea in the first trimester…so bad I didn’t know how I was going to get up out of bed all day.  The thought of going through all of that again scares me.  It’s totally worth it….but it scares me.

Connor is growing into such a fun little boy.  Sometimes I feel guilty because he is so needy and he desires a connection with other kids.  He’s told me before he would love a brother or sister.  I don’t quite know how to answer that?

Then there is the financial aspect of having another baby.  We’ve pretty much rid our household of all things baby related, so we’d have to re-purchase everything.  The cost of having a child in a hospital is super expensive (my insurance ain’t what it used to be!) and we certainly couldn’t afford two kids in daycare.  I know we can make sacrifices and make it work, but that would be so hard!

After we had him and experienced the endless nights of no sleep we told each other maybe this is it?  This is about all we can handle.  Lets face it, we are selfish parents and 100 % guilty of putting him in front of a TV in order to have some personal time.  We don’t read to him like we should, or do a lot of things like we “should”.  So with that comes a lot of guilt….can we give TWO enough time if we can’t give one child what he needs right now?

How do you do it?  How do you make time for yourself while still providing that attention to your child….let alone two, or three, or four?  Maybe I’m just drawing a blank because I just don’t know.

I had my annual “lady visit” a couple of weeks ago.  She kindly let me know that I was getting up there in age and once I reach 35 I’ll be considered high risk.  In my heart I would LOVE to have another child.  It’s the best, most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.  My husband is a planner, spreadsheets, and worry wart-whom I love dearly and am grateful for those qualities by the way!  How do we start to get on the same page?  I don’t want to look back 10 years from know and be resentful and wonder “what if?”

How do you know?  How do you manage? 

I’m lost here and just looking for advice and encouragement on the subject…because right now my heart is torn & very uncertain.

Thank you friends…..xo Becky

When I say that my child is a part of my life, not my entire life I say that with pure and utter honesty.  We all struggle to find that balance in motherhood.  Once you have your first child, then it’s “When are you having another?”  A couple years later when you DO have another child (if it’s the same-sex as the first child) they ask “Are you going to try for a GIRL?”  It’s so easy to lose your identity in motherhood.

You’ve gotta find your happy place and live in it.  Own it.  Count your blessings one by one.  It’s not a contest, it’s not a game, and we aren’t competing against each other.  I’m happy with my moderately sized home, being a working mom, and my one baby boy.  If having 7 kids and being a stay at home wife/mother is your calling then by golly go and do it!  Whatever trips your trigger honey…..Just do it!

Everyone is different and each family has specific needs of their own.  So, when I say that my child is a part of my life and not my ENTIRE life I want you to understand why I’m saying that.  I have so many friends who have begun to identify themselves through the lives of their children.  It’s okay, you’re a Mom, and your child is a major part of your everyday life.  Just don’t forget about yourself in the process.   Ask yourself:  What did you love growing up?  What were your hobbies, dreams, and desires?  Just because you’ve become a mother doesn’t mean you have to give up all your hopes and dreams and put them on the back burner.  It’s okay to go after your dreams.  It’s okay to not feel guilty about doing that!  Shocker I know….

If you are married talk to your spouse & communicate what the desires of your heart are.  He may be surprised to find out what you are really thinking.  Once you hit “Mom-Mode” it’s easy for everyone around you to identify you as just a Mom & forget everything else you are cabable of.  I’m Becky, a wife, friend, photographer, artist, baker, funny gal, AND a Mom too 🙂

I love waking up every morning to my crazy 3-year-old.  He’s no ray of sunshine…ha ha!  But he’s mine, and I’m forever grateful God chose me to be his Mama.  I also know that God has SO much more in store for me than just motherhood.  I don’t want to lose myself it an identity crisis & think that’s the only thing I’m good at or capable of.  In the land of Mom blogs it’s refreshing to me to find a non-mom blog and read about more than just diapers and DIY projects.  I am also guilty of this….just saying……

I went to dinner with a good friend last week.  She’s 32, single, never married, and no kids.  She said to me “Thank you for spending time with me and hanging out.”  I said to her “What do you mean?”  She then went on to tell me that she felt like a lot of friends our age have stopped hanging out with her because she’s single and has no kids, they assume she wouldn’t want to.  The truth is she LOVES kids and just wants to be included and hang out too.    This made me feel so bad for her & I realized that this is SO true!  We seclude so many people in our lives because they aren’t walking the same path we’re on & in the process missing out on incredible things!  Can you believe that???

I’m happy with who I am.  God has truly had His hand over my life.  I’m grateful for every single second.  I love being and wife and mom.  Those things are the cherry on top of everything else.  But, there’s so much more to me than being a Mom.  So, Connor, I want you to know I love you….and you’re a part of my life….and probably the best part ever….but you aren’t my entire life.  The only way I can be the best Mama to you is staying true to myself and my heart by pursuing my own dreams and desires.  That way Mama & Daddy can be the best for you in return.  I hope one day you’ll do the same my love!  Pursue your hearts desires and live every day to the fullest….and know you were the best part ever. – Love Mama

You know when you get so flustered, embarrassed, or afraid that you just don’t know what else to do but laugh?

Yeah, that happens a lot.  I don’t know what comes over me, but I’ve always been that way.  It bugs the tar outta me!  My twin sister and I used to do this all the time.  We would just look at each other and burst out laughing for no reason at all.  Just silliness I guess.  In some ways it was our way of saying “I understand”.

She’s the one that got me started in all this bloggy business.  (It’s not a business for me…and I know I do a lot of product reviews…but I’m no Scrooge McDuck!)  I struggle to find that balance of maintaining a blog that is true to myself and also have fun sometimes with reviews, which provides a little extra coffee money savings.  I think that is something every blogger struggles with.  I started my blogging journey 7 years ago.

If you would have ever told me I’d make a dime off of my hobby I’d roll my eyes and be like “riiiiiiight”.  But blogging is SO much more than that.  I’ve met people I would have never known unless I were a blogger.  People and a community that has blessed my life in so many ways.  Yet, I think I could and should be doing so much more than I have been with this blog.  I’m just grateful people care enough to read and pray for us.

I’m not perfect, and you don’t know everything about me.  I do struggle with things just like you do.  A lot of times it’s easier to express yourself through writing. I’ve said things in the past I’m not proud of and wish with all my heart I could take back….ugh.  I guess that’s the ugly thing about the Internet, they say it will always be around.  Wonder if that’s true?

At the end of the day my boys are my everything and that’s what matters most.

All of this to say THANK YOU!  And as our pastor says in church “Go find someone you’ve never met before and shake their hand & say God bless you so glad you came today!”

She makes me laugh. *Sisters*

12 years ago on August 4, 2001 I married the love of my life.  My Ter-Bear.  We’ve been through so much together I can’t even begin to write our story.  I’m so thankful I have this blog to write my cherished memories in and look back on the ones I’ve forgotten.  Thank you Terence for loving me, for taking care of us, for all you do that goes unnoticed and for all the days we’ve had together and the future we’ll share.  I love you more today than yesterday and tomorrow more than today.  Love is not finding someone to live the rest of your life with, it is finding someone you can’t live without.