From The Heart Archives | Page 9 of 11 |

Love & Marriage: For Better or Worse

April 11, 2013

The photo above was the very first picture Terence and I had taken together. 13 years ago….gosh how time has flown. I made him get into one of those cheesy booths at the mall to take a picture. The was before everyone carried their cell phones and snapped photos of everything. It was just a casual date, and little did I know I’d end up married to this man.

I truly believe God brings people into our lives for a reason. We had both just started our first year in college and it was our first time to be “on our own” if you will.

We dated for a year then Terence and I got engaged, 8 months later we married.

My advice to any gal…enjoy the dating phase. As much fun as marriage is, looking back at the times we dated I have such fond memories.

Let me start off by saying marriage isn’t for wimps. Marriage is cool. I love being married to my best friend, but lets face it, it’s not a cake walk. We were very young when we got married. We both just turned 20 that month and I was so nervous on our wedding day I thought I was going to pass out. Seriously. What was going on here….

Terence had just finished basic training for the Air Force and we were married and about to move on base. We got married in August 2001, a month later the unthinkable happened on September 11th and we knew things were about to change. We had one car between us, little money, and we were just getting our little base house fixed up. That house was straight out of the 70’s baby! But home is what you make of it.

For the next 5+ years it was 12 hour night shifts, deployment, and sleeping alone in our bed. Two cats and one dog. We made the best with what we had and thankfully we were stationed close to my parents in Arkansas. We made lifelong friends and memories I’ll always cherish. Those were some of the toughest times, but I also look back at them fondly because we had no clue what we did or didn’t have. We had each other.

United as one

After military life Terence decided to go back to school to finish his undergrad degree. He finished with honors and we both worked very hard for the next couple years. I worked an 8-5 job, then I had a 2nd job from 5:30-12am. Those were loooong days! But we somehow made it work. We lived in a small one bedroom apartment, no cable, and no extras to speak of. We didn’t have time for those things anyway. Those years seem like a blur.

After Terence finished college we decided to move from Arkansas to Texas, where he is from. I had never been away from my family and was extremely nervous. The only interaction I had with my in-laws was short visits and holidays. In 2007 we made the big move to Texas. We stayed with my in-laws for a while until we got on our feet. Terence started working for his family’s business and I took a job with the bank I still work for today. What was supposed to be a temporary living arrangement turned into almost 2 years. Terence decided to go back to school and got accepted into the accelerated MBA program at TCU. So we lived with his parents for a couple of years, he finished grad school, I worked 8-5. Just living life…..it was hard for me to get used to a new state, city, DFW driving….ugh. I went home the first couple weeks crying. I wanted to go HOME! Terence kept saying were home….

So now, almost 6 years later Texas has become home. I still say I’m from Arkansas though. That will always be home to me. We’ve been through a lot together. On this blog, or anyone’s blog, you only see fragments of their lives and not the whole picture. Usually it’s all the positive things. Terence and I fight, we have our weaknesses, he is very black and white and I am very colorful. We butt heads a LOT. Especially over finances. He’s a super saver and spreadsheeter and I’m more of a live your life for today kind of gal. I mean I don’t want to go and blow all our money, but sometimes it’s a bit extreme. Lest we argue. Sigh…..

It’s hard sometimes to reach that middle ground. But I guess you could say we balance each other out. Struggles make you stronger. Without God and prayers I know we would not have made it this far. Ter-Bear (as I affectionately call him) is my best friend and though we struggle, there is no one else I would rather spend my life with. I’m grateful he puts up with me and my flaws, and I hope he knows I love him more than anything. I hope he is grateful for me too. Don’t forget to show your husband/wife how you feel. Don’t forget to say those words of affection. Don’t take each day for granted. Live and love each day to the fullest.

Ask yourself “Is this argument really worth it?” Is it worth damaging your relationship or tearing the other person down? In the end, probably not.

To have and to hold…..for better for worse….

Follow the Love and Marriage series with these gals:

Mandy Megan Lindsey Jenn Shay

If I Die First….

March 28, 2013

I leave the house for ONE weekend and it seems like the vomit fairy sprinkled all her crazy dust over my family. We’ve pretty much been hibernating since Saturday. I left for Blissdom on Thursday and all is well in the world. Then Friday after Terence takes Connor to the dentist and his 3 year check up (I know he’s a good Daddy!) I get a call telling me Connor started throwing up all over the Doctor’s office and in the car.

That’s when it all rained down….I know T had to have been tired of cleaning up barf all weekend. So, I left the conference a little early to get home to my sick baby.Read More

What Kind of Mother Am I?

March 7, 2013

I’ve had a lot going on lately….I haven’t denied that. I know whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom we all have our own daily battles. There are advantages and disadvantages of both situations. I could stay at home like this mom who supports their entire family on 14K a year. She’s amazing. Is there a perfect number for happiness? Several studies have shown that if you make too little you are not happy, yet if you make too much you aren’t happy either. Why is that???

It’s because happiness cannot be found in things, houses, new clothes, cars, or any other possessions. It can only be found through the path you choose for your life. You have a choice at every turn. Do I make the right choice or the wrong one?

I choose to follow Christ and I am a believer. I personally believe that has a lot to do with my happiness. Whether or not you believe in God is your choice. That’s why Jesus died for our sins and we are able to make that decision in our hearts. We are freed.

Decisions….life is full of them.

Do I need that or do I want that? Is it a necessity?

I choose to work. I don’t have to work. I also don’t want to live in debt. This is a choice we have made so we can provide a better future for our family and they won’t have to carry a financial burden. And- hopefully one day we’ll be able to bless others. I love to give. It makes my heart happy! Hopefully by the end of this year we’ll be debt free, minus our mortgage. Then we can start saving to pay for a car in cash. It hasn’t been easy, just ask Terence, but we are a team. I enjoy the adult social interaction I get every day from my job. Connor loves school and his friends. His teachers probably come up with more things than I ever could teach him during the day. Whether you stay at home with your kids, you work by choice, or because you have to….life is what you make of it. Don’t ever feel like you aren’t doing good enough. Own your decision and make the most of it.

This life we live day in and day out can seem repetitive and full of twists and turns. How you handle the turn around the corner is a choice. Terence and I have really felt TV has become a “God” in our household. We come home and sit in front of the television and eat our dinner, but the sad part is Connor is in our bedroom watching a cartoon eating his dinner separately. Now, we do eat dinner at the table together sometimes…but not all the time. We are both so tired and that has been our excuse for lazy parenting. Terence has a long commute and we both work over 40 hours a week. Regardless, we knew something had to change. We felt a tug in our hearts to make a change and do it now.

We are looking into lowering our cable plan to just the basic channels and one DVR instead of two.

I’m proud of Terence because he has been getting up every day to run. I’m taking my tennis shoes to work and I’m going to start doing the stairs on my lunch hour. We were both feeling sick and sluggish and down right awful. Inside and out. We are also looking for a jogging stroller so Connor can go with us on walks in the evenings. Any recommendations???

It’s easy to blame the stress of a job or house chores for your laziness. I do it all the time. It’s hard to get everything done especially when you are OCD like me! ha! All I can say is do the best you can and God will take care of the rest. Everything will fall into place. There have been some major changes and my job lately and my work load has increased a lot. I’m trying not to get too overwhelmed, but some days it’s just hard.

You’ll probably see a little less blogging from me for awhile. My first priorities are and should always be God, my husband, and son. Lately they’ve not been at the top of my list and I’ve prioritized other things over them. That is going to change. I’m missing the best moments of motherhood and family time because I’m busy doing other non-important things to make me feel important???

I guess in some small way this blog is validation. Validation of my self worth. That people really do like me and enjoy what I have to say and they like seeing pictures of my kid. Why am I valuing myself on what other people think of me?

I catch myself constantly ignoring others because I’m on my phone or watching TV. Would I ignore Jesus if He was in the room standing next to me? Probably not! Next time you go to a public restaurant look around you and open your eyes. Count how many people have their heads down looking at their cell phones. It’s become a security blanket for almost everyone. Clutching their phones in their hands fixated on what’s on the screen. We are turning into zombies. We aren’t feeling or doing…..we are just reading and texting.

Now, I don’t want you all to think I don’t love this blog or the friendships I have made from it. I love social networking and all it has to offer. There is also a lot of good that can come from it! I’m just saying that I’ve prioritized it over other things and lately have felt the need to change that.

I’m still going to love and nurture this blog, it is after all my journal. A place to post my beloved memories and pictures. A place for friends and family to read about what is going on in our lives. I also love reading about all of my “bloggy” friends lives too!

I just wanted to share a little bit about what has been on my heart lately.

If you are still reading this….thanks for sticking around and thank you for caring enough to read.

If you need prayer or are struggling with something right now like I am there is a whole community of people who will pray with you and support you. You just have to make the decision….and ask.

I pretty sure you’ll be welcomed with open arms 🙂

xoxo Becky

I’m off to go play with this silly kiddo…..

Thank You.

February 7, 2013

Yesterday’s Post:

I appreciate everyone’s advice and comments…kind words etc. I also understand a lot of you didn’t agree with why I decided to post a video of my child throwing a tantrum. Honestly, I wasn’t “planning” on video taping him….I did it so I could show Terence how he was acting. Apparently he never acts that way around anyone but ME? So originally it was just between us. Then I start to re-evaluate my parenting methods. I was looking for advice, maybe a shoulder for support. I wasn’t seeking out attention in any way whatsoever.

I love blogging and the support group that we have. Thank you all for your advice, which I will now use and take into consideration on our next shopping trip!

Love yuns bunches…..

xoxo
Becky

Now I’m getting back to work!
Fully caffeinated of course!

Loves & Growing Pains

January 31, 2013

I still remember the very first Valentine’s Day Terence and I had together. We had only been dating a few short months. I still wasn’t so sure about him. We were both so young and in school. Yet, he continued to pursue me and woo me at every turn.

My best friend Sara and I went shopping for Valentine’s Day outfits to wear with our boyfriends to the Olive Garden for a date. I chose a light pink v-neck shirt with a black skirt. I still remember that outfit….it’s so funny the little things you remember.

We pulled around the corner of the college campus that night and there Terence was sitting on the bench. He stood up holding 3 yellow roses. We had a nice dinner and then later we exchanged gifts. He had brought me some Godiva chocolates from when he went home to Texas for Christmas break. We didn’t have Godiva STORES in Arkansas! I was in heaven 🙂

I got him some fun little things as well and then I wrote “I Love You” in glow in the dark stars on the wall in his dorm room. That’s the first time we both said “I Love You”. I’ll always remember that.

Over the years marriage has had it’s highs and lows. Right now we are both stressed out and tired due to work or other things going on…..I miss the carefree feeling of when you are first dating someone. That is a feeling that lasts forever.

I also think it’s something that so many people lose and try to re-capture. Hence, divorce is so prevalent in today’s world. I would hate to feel those emotions and go through that journey with anyone but Terence…..the one God chose for me.

If you can make it through the mountains and valleys together then the other side of the mountain is so rewarding.

So here we are almost 14 years later. I can’t say our marriage is as passionate as I would like it to be, or I’m even where I thought we would be. Life has taken us down so many paths….but I know this is where we are supposed to be. Together, until death do us part. For better or worse.

I am glad to have Terence by my side to support me, love me, he is loyal, and would do anything for me and Connor. Sometimes I wish he would enjoy the little moments instead of always projecting or spread sheeting for the future. I know what he does is good in the long term….but I know we aren’t promised tomorrow and the days go by so quickly.

I kiss him goodbye in the morning and don’t see him again until dinner. The same with Connor. There has to be more than this right? I feel void and null some days just trying to get through. Living the life and moving through the motions without really feeling them. There has to be more than that? God can and will sustain our marriage. He can and will yours too.

Do you ever feel like you’re on a hamster wheel? I want to live life, but not only live it….I want to feel it and be present. Right now I am not. I know this. My fear and anxiety paralyze me. The person I am in my head and my heart is not who I am showing to the outside world.

God give me the boldness and heart to be what You would have me to be to others. The wife You would have me be for Terence. The Mom You would have me be for Connor. The daughter, sister, and so on….

What do you do to maintain that spark? Fill a void? Feel when you are lost?

(I’m not saying all this because anything is wrong….it isn’t! I’m just expressing my feelings & hoping to get input from others)
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These are some loves of mine 🙂

I’m a very visual person, probably why I love photos so much…but they ignite memories and I love that!

Our first little vacay together in Branson (sitting in the love chair)

Terence was LOVABLE. I was TEASER. Ha ha!!! (Year 2000)

I got this cute little burlap Valentine’s Day banner for $7? on a flash sale site! I love it!

Connor’s cute little Valentine cards from Little Laws Prints

I have a hankering to make these puppies…but they are NOT on my Biggest Loser diet…hello???

I love this heart. It’s just paper. Wish someone would show me how to make it??? I don’t think I’d buy for $45 smackers.

Valentine poms…..ahhhhhh

Godiva truffles aka the key to my beloved heart

Also a nice purse or bling….ya know I am a girlie girl!

Another thing I love to do when I am by myself is drive around and look in random neighborhoods at houses. I just love looking at HOUSES??? Does that make me weird or stalkerish is some way? I just think they are pretty…..also I’m obsessed with HGTV and home makeover shows, but that’s another story.

Don’t you adore those windows?

Mediterranean architecture is so pretty

I love Connor’s baby curls…if I start to look at baby pictures for too long then I’ll get the fever. Ugh I miss is…..but I don’t miss those sleepless nights!

First Valentine’s Day

he’s so little…..

My lil decor on the counter there 🙂

So what are your Valentine’s plans?

Is anyone doing any fun V-day link ups?

I’m excited to make a Valentine day card box for Connor’s pre-school. I used to love decorating those when I was a kid. Remember making those in elementary school and cutting a hole in the top? Ahhhh memories…….

Okay now off to bed or to get coffee…..whatevs.

Muah!
Becky

Self Worth

September 7, 2012

I posted a question on Twitter this morning: “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

I can honestly say that ten years ago I didn’t know where I would be. Hopefully out of the military and into a more routine lifestyle. We worked hard the past ten years to get to this point. We were married very young. I’m thankful for that now, I believe God put us together at that age to support each other and we reached our goals as a team. Maybe God saw we couldn’t do these things it as individuals, so he gave us each other as help mates! Glory be to God, He for-sees all & we are so thankful for everything and all His blessings!

What the next ten hold….only God knows.

We have so much going on right now and sometimes forget about the things that really matter. When you get down to the nitty gritty of it….the priorities and goals you have in your head and heart don’t always come to fruition. You can live your life wondering “what if” or “why” but until you take the reigns and do something about it nothing will change.

So, where do I see myself in ten years?

Oh….I don’t know really. I pray for hunger for God’s word. Something I have let go lately. I don’t have that hunger in my heart I once held. I know that….I feel it. It makes me sad that I make time for so many other things instead of putting God first.

Terence said something to me last weekend that really hurt me, but it was true. He said “You are always on your phone or on the computer!” He said “You are treating the phone and computer like your “God”. He was right. I do, I put those things above all the things that truly matter. I’m ashamed.

I hope and pray that we instill good values in our son. I want him to grow up prioritizing God and not a Nintendo DS, cell phone, or TV. Of course I’d like to be in a forever home. A home we can call our own and live there for the rest of our lives. A place to hold our families and grandchildren one day and make memories. Maybe a doggy in the backyard. And-if our hearts change maybe another child???

You’ll never have enough money or enough of the “things” you want in life. But remember you can’t take them with you! Dust to dust. Spend that money enjoying life, enjoying your family, supporting God’s word, asking God how you can serve him??? The reward you will receive in your heart will be far greater than any material thing you could possibly buy!

I have a lot of Mom friends who place their self worth in their children. While my child is a big part of my life, it is not MY life. He is not what defines me as a person. Once your kids are grown and in school the Moms find themselves lost and without focus. I promise you this…there is always a service out there that someone will need! Some place that will value you as a person and after your kids are grown and have left the nest…..you’ll still have things to focus on. Each phase of life we evolve and change. We are constantly growing and whether you have babies, teens, or grandchildren….enjoy each phase and feel blessed you get to live in those moments!

I have Mom friends who define their self worth my their job or career. My job is a part of my life, it is not MY ENTIRE life. These things, while all well and good should not be what you amount your life to. They should be things in your life that make you happy and enjoy them while living in that period, but don’t define yourself by these things. Money and your career can only go so far and doesn’t bring long term happiness.

I’m thankful today for my family and friends. We have a home, cars, jobs, and we love each other!

Counting my blessings today and the next 10-50 years, however much God allows me.

I AM BLESSED.

Mental Breakdown

August 21, 2012

Do you ever feel like your life is in a rut? You wake up and do the same thing every single day. Some days I feel like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day and it’s just a continuous cycle. I wake up get ready for work, drag Connor out of bed, make T’s lunch for the day, he makes our coffee….we go off to work. I’m always running late. My anxiety level is always at the max.

We’ve been coming home after work and just fall on the sofa. I’ve been upset with myself because I haven’t been exercising or eating right lately. I just ordered pants in a size bigger. Ugh. Life just takes over and you begin to just live each day in a trance. I don’t remember all of what I did yesterday….and if you asked me today I don’t even know if I would remember what I wore or ate for lunch.

I feel so scattered and I don’t have myself together. We have all been battling a bad congestion and cold for the last few weeks. I’m on a second round of antibiotics and hopefully this will do the trick.

I’ve lost track of how to manage my life and time. I find myself in “zombie mode”. Isn’t that sad? I’ve also fallen behind on church and prayer and reading my Bible. I can tell this is affecting my spirit and it probably comes out in my blog as well. It’s easy for Satan to break in and start to chisel away at your heart. I’ve been over committing to do things….but at what cost? If those things take time away from my family then is it worth it?

I already work a full time job, but it seems like my blog is turning into a second job. I don’t what that to happen….I want to blog for the love of blogging. I want to document our life and love for each other. The special moments in life I never want to forget. Something I’ve lost track of doing lately. I’m still going to do things to bring in a little income every now and then, but once again it comes down to that ever so sensitive subject of BALANCE.

HOW DO YOU BALANCE IT ALL?

I’m not where I want to be spiritually or personally right now….but I don’t know where to pick back up. I’ve noticed lately I’ve had a lot of bitterness in my heart. Who does that benefit? No one. I don’t know why I feel this way, but my emotions are starting to affect not just me, but others as well. If I’ve said or done anything to hurt anyone un-knowingly I’m sorry. It’s not you it is me.

Today is a blessing. I want to live each day fully and conscientiously, knowing that we are not promised tomorrow. I constantly fall short….but I know I am forgiven. Thank you Lord for your love and forgiveness, for I am not perfect by any means, but I am blessed.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.