Sometimes it’s good just to sit down and write what is on your heart. Let your heart “flood”. I know a lot of you in real life and online. I’m so thankful for all sorts of friendships. When I moved to Texas almost 7 years ago it was so incredibly hard to start over and make new friends. It sounds cheesy, but the online community of friendships I’ve made have been a HUGE support system.

So, I know sharing my heart isn’t a big deal to you….but this blog is my journal and my outpouring of thoughts and randomness. It is what it is.

Right now I feel at such a crossroads in life. We don’t exactly know where we are moving in the future, but we do know that we don’t want Terence on the road 2 hours every day commuting anymore. Right now I feel like Terence and I are living zombie lives and waking up every day to the same endless routine. I know when he gets home he’s exhausted and so am I. Does anyone else feel that way?

I know there are changes coming and we want to find a permanent place to live before Connor goes to kindergarten. Whether or not we have any more children….well….that’s a HUGE gaping question mark/hole in my heart. I just don’t know.

How do you let go of your emotions and give everything over to God-emotionally, financially, spiritually, and just TRUST in Him? It’s hard to let go of that control and I think that is what T & I struggle with the most. Some days I would love to have another baby, yet others I’m perfectly content with one.

It’s not that we couldn’t do it financially. We can. We’d just have to give up a lot of things. So, am I willing to do that? Yes…but it would mean a big change for us. Terence and I are polar opposites. He’s a HUGE financial planner and I’m more a fly by the seat of your pants kind of gal!

Yes, we’d have to give up vacations, lattes, and little extra expenditures. It just depends. It’s hard to read blogs and NOT compare yourselves to others. That’s something I struggle with and try not to do. Everyone’s life has a different path. When I see people younger than me building their McMansions or buying expensive wardrobes and posting outfits every single day that I couldn’t afford over a 6 month span….I’m like “Whaaaaa????” How in the heck? Yeah I wonder. Are these people in a ginormous amount of credit card debt or did they win the lotto?

That’s the point when I just have to remove myself and focus on myself and my family. The worst thing you can do is envy others. What happened to being cheerleaders and being happy for someone else’s success? Honestly, you probably don’t know their whole story either and we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

I’m proud my husband and I have worked so hard and are (for the most part) debt free besides our home. We carry no debt or student loan debt, but we’ve literally worked our asses off to get here.

So at what point in time to you feel comfortable??? When we got married almost 13 years ago we would always talk about “When we got to this point in life we’ll be able to do this and that!” Well, we are HERE. Beyond that point we dreamed of. So when do you start to feel content and secure? That is a peace that I don’t feel and I need to let go and let God fill that void.

So many decisions in this walk of life. Nobody said it would be easy. But let’s support each other and be cheerleaders for others & their successes. Life is not easy and so many people have it worse than you or I do. Yeah…some days just suck. But, beyond all that there is so much to be thankful for.

Right now I am asking if you have a moment and you think of us maybe you could say a little prayer for our future and that God would guide us in the right direction.

Xo Becky