Category: From The Heart

“I Have Failed as a Mother!”

It’s starting to become very apparent to me how much Connor is actually soaking in.  For instance, Terence and I watch the morning news while we get ready for work in the mornings.  Which is a tornado in itself. Connor is usually in our room too and I’m sure he’s been seeing all the news about the planes going down and stuff like that (let’s not even get started on the Ebola virus…which is scaring the **** out of me!!!  Maybe I should just ban myself from watching the news?  But it’s good to be in the know right? Whatevs.

So, Terence was on a business trip earlier this week and Connor saw a plane on the news and said “Did my Daddy die in an airplane?” WTH-eck?  “Of course not!” “Why would you think that?”

Seriously that scared me and I was just thinking how in the world he would have picked that up!

Then earlier this week he told me “Mom I really miss my church friends and I want to go back to Sunday school”.   Queue the MOM FAIL.  We’ve had visitors from out-of-town every weekend for the last month and are too lazy to get our bums out of bed and go to church.  But he’s noticing and that hurts my heart.  That’s like God saying “BAM!  You need a reality check Becky.”

In the words of Beverly Goldberg (My favorite TV Mom)

“I have failed as a MOTHER!”

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I’ll be the first to admit I’m not a perfect person and definitely not a perfect wife or mom.  I fail a TON.

First and foremost I want my family to feel loved and like they are my top priority.  I hope they know this.  It’s crazy how life gets in the way and all of a sudden you forget the little things that seep in the cracks.

Other thoughts:

Sure, I’d like to lose 30 lbs.  But am I willing to give up my mean chocolate habit? Uhm…………..Occasionally.

I haven’t had that “Aha” moment and I’m certainly not going to go on a cleanse or post pictures of myself half-naked on Instagram showing how fit I am or how much weight I’ve lost.  Although I am proud of these women…dang it makes me feel like poo.

Seriously how do these people exercise a bazillion hours a day and do everything else that needs to get done?  Their stories are inspiring….but I want to read about something OTHER than before and after pics and how many calories they’ve burned that day. Gah.  (That’s just myself saying boo on me)  Guilty as charged.

Because frankly, after 8+ hours of work I just want to sit on my sofa & watch The Mindy Project and drink a glass of wine.

Also, the outfit posts.  Oh the fashion blogging storm….mercy.  I like fashion just like the next chick.  I love to shop. But how in the WORLD do people post different outfits every.single.day and I’m sitting here wearing the same pants 3 days in a row?  I love the outfits, I like the fashion inspirational posts…..but again….I want to read more than what brand of jeans you are wearing that day.  And about your $3,000 shoes.  Like, what is actually in your noggin?

I’m going on a little rant here that I didn’t intend to…..

I’m feeling out loud and probably over-sharing too much….blah….blah….blah.  But I want to read about YOUR lives….as I know you want to read about mine.  (Yes I have the occasional review post because I’m NOT made of $$$ and it doesn’t grow on trees and as long as it’s something I would enjoy doing…they why not!)  DON’T JUDGE. And I don’t want to forget why I started blogging in the first place.  To read about every day challenges and have that support system.

And someone to honestly tell me what it’s like and smack me over the head and say “Get it together!”

I’m not saying to stop what you’re doing.  Just show more of yourself.  Being honest, raw, and not being ashamed of what you have to say is something in itself.

Love you peeps.  Thanks for listening and have a happy Thursday!

“Orange you glad it’s Thursday?”

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Random Stuff About My Life….What???

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Good morning my beautiful bloggy friends!  How was your weekend?  We had a good one and thank the good Lord there is a COLD FRONT coming to Texas this week!!!  It’s going to be in the low 80’s!!!  Shiver me timbers I never thought that was even possible!

So, I thought it would be fun to just share some random stories from my life.  Some things you just have to sit back and think what? Why? Who? HUH?

None the less it’s fun to reminisce.

  • Contrary to popular believe and the namesake of this blog….I only have one cup of coffee a day.  I don’t have an IV drip of coffee next to me 😉  I don’t like soda and I drink water the rest of the day or the occasional healthy drink/wine.

  • In the 5th grade we were all lining up to go outside and then I let out a LOUD fart.  OMG.I.DIE.  The teacher thought it was 3 boys trying to be funny making fart noises.  They got in trouble and had to go to the back of the line. Of course I would NEVER admit it was me…Duh.

  • One time a few years ago I was home visiting for Christmas and ran into a girl I went to high school with.  She asked me about my husband standing next to me….who happened to be MY DAD!  Seriously???  Cradle robber or something…I was like “That’s my Dad”.  Oopsie for her.  But my Dad’s ego was majorly boosted that someone thought he looked young enough to be my husband.  As if.

  • In middle school Bonnie and I wore matching outfits to school one day.  We just happened to wear the exact same outfit that a teacher was wearing, only hers was in a size XXXL.  At that age it’s devastating if you wear the same outfit as someone else, let alone a teacher!!!  Buwwaaahhhhh!!!  We never wore those outfits again.

  • I never thought I would get married.  I thought nobody could put up with me.  I was perfectly content in my mind to be an old gray mare with 10 cats.  Yup….God had other plans thankfully.

  • I’m very shy, but only in certain situations.   I over share information all the time. People in stores almost ALL THE TIME come and randomly talk to me and I have no idea why?  Just this weekend I met two lovely women on the elevator at Nordstrom and they invited me to their Curves class.  Yeah they were like 60…but still….it was nice of them to ask 🙂  Ha ha!

  • I really want to go to Seattle, Oregon, or Maine.  Some place with scenic views and cold.  It’s 101 today…..somebody transport me from this furnace!!!

Heart Flood

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Sometimes it’s good just to sit down and write what is on your heart. Let your heart “flood”. I know a lot of you in real life and online. I’m so thankful for all sorts of friendships. When I moved to Texas almost 7 years ago it was so incredibly hard to start over and make new friends. It sounds cheesy, but the online community of friendships I’ve made have been a HUGE support system.

So, I know sharing my heart isn’t a big deal to you….but this blog is my journal and my outpouring of thoughts and randomness. It is what it is.

Right now I feel at such a crossroads in life. We don’t exactly know where we are moving in the future, but we do know that we don’t want Terence on the road 2 hours every day commuting anymore. Right now I feel like Terence and I are living zombie lives and waking up every day to the same endless routine. I know when he gets home he’s exhausted and so am I. Does anyone else feel that way?

I know there are changes coming and we want to find a permanent place to live before Connor goes to kindergarten. Whether or not we have any more children….well….that’s a HUGE gaping question mark/hole in my heart. I just don’t know.

How do you let go of your emotions and give everything over to God-emotionally, financially, spiritually, and just TRUST in Him? It’s hard to let go of that control and I think that is what T & I struggle with the most. Some days I would love to have another baby, yet others I’m perfectly content with one.

It’s not that we couldn’t do it financially. We can. We’d just have to give up a lot of things. So, am I willing to do that? Yes…but it would mean a big change for us. Terence and I are polar opposites. He’s a HUGE financial planner and I’m more a fly by the seat of your pants kind of gal!

Yes, we’d have to give up vacations, lattes, and little extra expenditures. It just depends. It’s hard to read blogs and NOT compare yourselves to others. That’s something I struggle with and try not to do. Everyone’s life has a different path. When I see people younger than me building their McMansions or buying expensive wardrobes and posting outfits every single day that I couldn’t afford over a 6 month span….I’m like “Whaaaaa????” How in the heck? Yeah I wonder. Are these people in a ginormous amount of credit card debt or did they win the lotto?

That’s the point when I just have to remove myself and focus on myself and my family. The worst thing you can do is envy others. What happened to being cheerleaders and being happy for someone else’s success? Honestly, you probably don’t know their whole story either and we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

I’m proud my husband and I have worked so hard and are (for the most part) debt free besides our home. We carry no debt or student loan debt, but we’ve literally worked our asses off to get here.

So at what point in time to you feel comfortable??? When we got married almost 13 years ago we would always talk about “When we got to this point in life we’ll be able to do this and that!” Well, we are HERE. Beyond that point we dreamed of. So when do you start to feel content and secure? That is a peace that I don’t feel and I need to let go and let God fill that void.

So many decisions in this walk of life. Nobody said it would be easy. But let’s support each other and be cheerleaders for others & their successes. Life is not easy and so many people have it worse than you or I do. Yeah…some days just suck. But, beyond all that there is so much to be thankful for.

Right now I am asking if you have a moment and you think of us maybe you could say a little prayer for our future and that God would guide us in the right direction.

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Xo Becky

Showing Love to Our Troops with Community Coffee

“I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Mom Central Consulting Community Coffee. I received product samples to facilitate my review and a promotional item to thank me for participating.”

A lot of you already know this, but Terence and I were in the Air Force for a little over 5 years. Right after we got married August 2001…September 11th happened. Our lives for the next 5 years would be CRAZY! Terence worked very hard during those years and also spent a term in Iraq. I remember how scared I was and wondering if he was okay all the time. Being a military family is not always easy.

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I love to support companies that support or troops in return. I’m so grateful for everything our military does for us.  I know exactly how they feel because we’ve been in their shoes. Community ® Coffee has a wonderful program right now where they are matching your purchase with an additional four bags, and will send all eight items plus a signature military mug to the APO/FPO military base address of your choice.

If you know someone in the military, whether a friend or family who loves coffee…..like ME…this is a great program to show them how much you care.  I know every little thing you send to remind them you care is appreciated.

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I received some flavors of Community® Coffee to try and I absolutely loved the Hazelnut flavor.  My Dad loves Hazelnut too 🙂  He served 11 years in the US Army….I grew up a military brat and swore I’d never marry into it, but God had other plans! ha ha!

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So, if you love coffee as much as I do and want to share the love with those who need it most please consider visiting Community® Coffee and supporting our troops!

I promise it won’t go unnoticed 😉

Finish This Week 22: A Link Up (A Day LATE!)

Welcome to Week 22 of Finish This! This link-up is hosted by NICOLE (Three31) LISA (COASTLINED), JEN (The Arizona Russums), BECKY (The Java Mama) and I and we’re so glad you’re here. If you’ve joined us before, thanks for returning! Be sure to add your post to the link-up. If you don’t have a blog, don’t worry. Simply answer the prompts in a comment. Next week’s prompts are at the bottom of this post.

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1. I conquer fear … By praying.  There are so many scary things in this world we are living in right now.  I just want put Connor in a bubble so he won’t be exposed to all the hate and violence out there.  Unfortunately, I can’t do that.  I just have to have faith that God will take care of us and protect my family.

2. I follow my heart … I think I lead with my heart a lot.  I’m a very sensitive person in general and I care greatly for others.  My way of showing I care is by doing “service” for others and it makes me feel good to serve others.  In doing this I think you have to follow your heart 🙂

3. I feed my soul by … Praying.  Meditating in prayer, talking to God.  Quiet time and every now and then throughout the day I’ll just have a soul moment where I feel like it’s God guiding me in a way.  I feel Him throughout the day and I’m thankful I have that relationship to talk to Him whenever I want.  He’s always there and He is always listening!

4. I used to worry about ____ but then I …

I used to worry about what people think of me so much.  If they were judging me or whatever.  I have been on antidepressants since I was around 16.  It’s just something that unfortunately is in my gene pool.  I struggle with worry on a daily basis.  Thankfully my faith has helped a lot.  As I get older it’s been easier to let things roll of my back.  Over the years you sort of figure out what truly matters in life.

LINK UP & VIEW OTHERS HERE

Now it’s your turn. Answer these prompts in a post on your own blog or, if you do not have a blog, simply add your responses in a comment. Join us next Wednesday for another round of Finish This where we’ll answer the prompts below!

Prompts for WEEK 23 (June 11) are:  The best compliment I ever received … Wearing red lipstick makes me feel … The best investment I’ve made … My best childhood memory …

Also I’m doing a series on Instagram called #workingwardrobe I’d love for you all to link up!!!  Peace out LOVES! adfdf

I Need to Check Myself…and Friday Fives

I posted something on Instagram yesterday about how much I missed the “personal feel” of blogging. I used to go and read everyone’s blog and comment. It felt like I knew them and I built so many great relationships over the years. I have to be honest, I don’t do it as much as I should either. Life gets busy and everyone moves into different stages in life. Life gets FULL. Yet, I still miss the feeling of togetherness I once felt while blogging.
Someone left a comment on my blog yesterday too….
It said that they missed what I used to write about. That my blog is primarily sponsored content and it’s not attractive to readers and not what they want to read. I get it. I do.
I don’t want this to become a review blog and I’m guilty of letting it slowly shift in that direction. It’s hard for me to say “No” to opportunities that seem like fun. And let’s face it getting free stuff is pretty cool. STILL-I don’t want this to become a place where I’m not authentic. Product reviews are not why I started a blog,  I do enjoy doing them….but I need to find a balance.
I need to get back to reality and write about valid topics.  That’s why I started this journey.  I’m not perfect by any means. I will finish up some reviews I’ve had in the works for awhile….but I’m going to try and slow it down a bit. I need to focus on why I’m here. What do I want to say? Sometimes it’s easier to do a review because you don’t have to “think” and just get to write about something someone else has given you.
I hope you don’t resent me for it. I really do value every single person I’ve met through blogging and I truly care about your life too 🙂
Anyway….just wanted to clear the air a bit and I promise things will get a bit more REAL around here!
Linking up with my favorite Friday gals: Darci & Lauren
1.  There’s a fun little project going around on Instagram right now where you can share your favorite coffee mug and talk about why you love it so much, or just why you love COFFEE!  Use #PCMugshots & find out more HERE
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2.  Connor got a torch. He is obsessed. He is “hunting” for everything with it 🙂 D7K_9310
3.  Happy Memorial day weekend!  I am personally looking forward to a 3 day weekend with my boys!  Here’s a flashback of my Ter-Bear in Iraq 2003.  We love our soldiers!iraq5
4.  I received this Pixi Shea Butter Lip Balm in my monthly Birchbox.  I LOVE IT!  It’s super soft and a subtle hint of color.
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5.  Hope everyone has a good weekend.  This Friday has been CRAZY so far!  Whew!28375e63c553d9855cdbd1a650aa18ea

Finish This Linkup: Week 18

1.  I feel an adrenaline rush when …  I drink coffee?  Does that count?  No, I guess when I do something that makes someone extremely happy I get so excited about it.  I am a people pleaser at heart and I love to give and make people happy 🙂IMAG0350-650x975

 

2.  I feel energized when … I DRINK COFFEE???!!!???  That sounds repetitive doesn’t it.  Or, on the rare occasion I exercise ha ha!

3.  I feel small when … People talk down to me or act like I don’t know what I’m talking about.  If someone tells me I can’t do something that just makes me work harder to GET IT GIRL!

4.  I feel big when … I eat an entire carton of Ben & Jerry’s the night before.  Uhm….or I guess I feel big when I can do something that only adults can do 🙂  Like my mother always said “When you grow up you can tell me how to drive!”

5.  I feel indestructible when … I don’t think there is ever a time I feel completely indestructible.  If my confidence level is up then that’s good.  I’ve talked about my struggle with anxiety and depression on this blog before….so I have a lot of hang ups.  But I love life and try to do the best I can.  Lord knows I can’t cook.  If I cook a nice meal I feel good & sometimes shock myself!

6.  I feel stupid when … I do something that is SO obvious!  Which happens quite a bit actually….the older I get I ask myself “Really, Becky why in the world did you do that?”  I have the best intentions, but sometimes my mind just wanders away from me.

7.  I feel smart when … I can teach someone something they don’t know.  That’s awesome.  I love the feeling of showing someone something new and making their life easier.  Especially when it’s life changing and can really effect someone’s life.

Connor took this picture of me yesterday when we got home…he’s been wanting to take photos.  Truth: I look ragged when I get home and immediately take off my work clothes, bra, and hop into my jammies!  BEST TIME OF DAY EVER!

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Don’t forget to link up with all the gals today!!!